As I Lay Dying

That's a band, in case you didn't know, but that's kinda how I feel right now, so....

We found out yesterday that it's just not possible for us to keep our house. I did my best to let that roll off me. I held it together until today.

Today I looked at my house as if looking at it for the last time. The plants and trees Todd and I so carefully chose, the extra slab of concrete out back, surrounded by vitex trees and boulders--my little patio paradise. My bay window in the front "vampire" room, the bay wall/French door in the master bedroom (we like having a door to the outside in our bedroom; it's a must). The knotty cherry cabinets in the kitchen, the granite island (with NO sink...great space for making pizza). Everything about this house Todd and I carefully selected.

We drove out every weekend while it was being built. I peed in the backyard on one of those trips. We photographed every step of the process (no, not the peeing); it was like watching a baby grow.

This is my home and I don't want to leave it. Bryce's little footprints are stamped in the concrete patio outside our bedroom door.

Unfortunately, when Todd's piece rate stopped back in January, so did our ability to pay our mortgage. We applied for a modification, but the banks don't want to cooperate. They would prefer we wind up on the street. Then they'll sell our house to some stranger for $150,000 less than we owe on it.

Todd works so hard. All for nothing.

All for nothing.

Goodbye, home. I loved you so much. I felt safe here on our little corner. I loved seeing the kids getting off the bus at our corner in the afternoons. I will miss that, too. I will miss everything about you. I hope your new family will love you as much as I did.