Saturday, February 26, 2011

Baz Luhrmann meets Stanley Kubrick

really...doesn't this portrait make you think "Moulin Rouge" and "A Clockwork Orange?"  it's just disturbing enough to be inspired by Clockwork, but still has a Moulin feel to it.

Click to see it biggah.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Still Recovering from Vegas

Wish i could say more about that.

Anyway...i met and hung out with some of the most amazing and talented photographers in the country and caught up with old friends. 

I learned a new trick that goes something like this (clik for biggah):

aaaaand i lost a couple more lbs in Vegas.  Down to 104 and feeling (and looking) more like myself again.  At least until Thanksgiving....

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Live from Las Vegas

I'm not loving Vegas at the moment. I'm exhausted, have barely been able to sleep, have no appetite and am running on adrenaline. It doesn't feel good. Just sayin'.

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Saturday, February 12, 2011

The Three Things

Did ya figure them out?  You know, my three favorite things that i'm going to do while in Vegas?  Friends, photography and clubbing.  That was easy, right?!

This trip will be my official "moving on" from things i've been pointlessly clinging to.  It's time to let go, close the proverbial door and allow the next one to open.

Here's to old friends, lost friends, new friends, and found friends. 


Friday, February 11, 2011

It's Hard to Remember Our Lives are Such a Short Time { yes, i'm speaking through music this week in case you haven't noticed already }

i do that a lot, don't i?  i let music speak for me.  but the words, of course, aren't going to fit perfectly with what's going on in my life.  mouse comes pretty damned close a lot of the time, though.

this is my song about turning things around and coming out of the wicked nasty depression that's had me down all week.  "my hell comes from inside, comes from inside myself..." okay, not just from inside myself; there are definitely external influences that i allow to get me down.  i've had enough of them for now; i'm ready to move on.

in four days i'll be in another world (vegas, baby!) doing what i love most with some of the people i love most.  i'll leave all that open for interpretation, but if you know me, there are at least three things that top that list.  and i'm in need of all three after a week like one's been.

on! on!


Everyone's afraid of their own life
If you could be anything you want
I bet you'd be disappointed, am I right?
No one really knows the ones they love
If you knew everything they thought
I bet that you'd wish that they'd just shut up
Well, you were the dull sound of sharp math
When you were alive
No ones gonna play the harp when you die
And if I had a nickel for every damn dime
I'd have half the time, do you mind?
Everyone's afraid of their own lives
If you could be anything you want
I bet you'd be disappointed, am I right?
Am I right? And it our lives
It's hard to remember, it's hard to remember
We're alive for the first time
It's hard to remember were alive for the last time
It's hard to remember, it's hard to remember
To live before you die
It's hard to remember, it's hard to remember
That our lives are such a short time
It's hard to remember, it's hard to remember
When it takes such a long time
It's hard to remember, it's hard to remember
My mom's God is a woman and my mom she is a witch
I like this
My hell comes from inside, comes from inside myself
Why fight this
Everyone's afraid of their own lives
If you could be anything you want
I bet you'd be disappointed, am I right?

Thursday, February 10, 2011

I Got All the Time for You { the space between }

You cannot quit me so quickly
There's no hope in you for me
No corner you could squeeze me
But I got all the time for you, love

The space between the tears we cry
Is the laughter keeps us coming back for more
The space between the wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep safe from the pain

But will I hold you again?

These fickle, fuddled words confuse me
Like, will it rain today?
Waste the hours with talking, talking
These twisted games we're playing

We're strange allies with warring hearts
What a wild-eyed beast you'll be
The space between the wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep safe from the pain

But will I hold you again?
Will I hold?

Look at us spinning out in the madness of a roller coaster
You know you went off like the Devil in a church
In the middle of a crowded room
All we can do, my love is hope we don't take this ship down

But the space between where you're smilin' high
Is where you'll find me if I get to go
The space between the bullets in our firefight
Is where I'll be hiding, waiting for you

The rain that falls splash in your heart
Ran like sadness down the window into your room
The space between our wicked lies
Is where we hope to keep safe from pain

Take my hand 'cause we're walking out of here
Oh, right out of here, love is all we need, dear

The space between what's wrong and right
Is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you
The space between your heart and mine
Is the space we'll fill with time

The space between
The space between

Paper Thin Walls

It's time for a good Mouse Fest. It's been a while. This song fits with my current theme (a need to escape; feeling caged and scrutinized).

I need to go, far and long.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Big Things

are coming this summer!  Can't say what, but will say it involves:

  • a lot of time on the road
  • photography
  • a friend
  • a trunk full of beef jerkey
  • the wind in my hair

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Just This One Day, Please

Please, just for this one day, let me sit alone in silence, with no demands from life, loved ones, friends, family, work, myself. 

This is something of a confessional, and even more of wishful thinking.

It's a common theme for me to just want to run away.  To pack a bag (a small, light one) and just go.  Somewhere, anywhere where no one knows me and i can wear dark sunglasses and a big hat and no one will recognize me.  No one will want anything from me.  No one will even know my name.  I will not have to speak.  I will eat nothing but mangoes, plucked fresh from a tree.  I will lie in the sand, book in hand, too drowsy to actually read it.  The warmth of sun is the only thing i will feel on my skin, waves and gulls the only sounds.

Just. One. Day.

Then again, i may never come back.  I was not made for growing roots.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

I'm Scared

Not really; that's just the title of the self-portrait i did for this week's "photo club" assignment.

Click to see it biggah.

Friday, February 4, 2011

A Near Pefect 10

So i've been "nursing" a headache for almost a week now.  It's been hovering on the 1-10 pain scale between 3 and 5.  Last night it edged it's way up to a 6.  Then, in the middle of the night, i woke up with a near perfect 10.  If i didn't know better, i would've thought it was a migraine (but in reality, the rib in my upper chest is out again, which throws off my entire spine, especially the neck).  The pain was so intense it was almost paralyzing.  It was blinding.  I sincerely thought i was about to have an aneurysm or something.  I couldn't even speak.  After a minute, the pain knocked me out again.  I spent the remainder of the night in and out of consciousness, wracked with explosive pain in my head.

I finally fully woke just after 7.  Todd was in the bathroom, getting ready for work.  I managed to struggle out of bed to tell him i needed him to take me to the doctor (and since he doesn't get paid sick days, we're out half a day's pay on top of the doctor's bill...yay!).  Thank Hello Kitty that Dr. Mike Soloman is open on Fridays.  My pain is now down to a 2-3, very tolerable.  I'm going back tomorrow and after that i'm sure it'll be gone and i'll be right as rain again.  I'm resolving to see my NSA practitioner (Dr. Mike Funicello) regularly, to avoid this kind of pain in the first place.  UGH; i have such a bad habit of putting off important things if they're for ME.  ME needs better care from me.

I do think this video IS a perfect 10, though.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Chocolate Orgasm

So i'm like, doing the low-carb thing again, cuz like, my pants don't like, fit, and so like, i lost a pound the first day.  And so i'm, like, eating some chicken and guacamole and Greek yogurt right now with some cashews, like, thrown in the mix for a little, like, crunch.

And i'm like, NOT thinking about chocolate.  Like, not at all.  Chocolate?  What's that?  I don't even know what that is.  That brown stuff?  That looks like, like, something that came out of a sheep's butt?  And smells like it, too? 

Okay, no, it doesn't look or smell like sheep excrement.  It's yummy and divine and makes me want to (almost) believe there's a god, and the mouth-feel...ooooh that creamy, smooth texture (you won't know of what i speak if all you've ever had is cheap chocolate, sorry) and the little burst of endorphins that wash over me as i take that first bite, like my whole body, my whole being just basking in the euphoria, the floaty, happy feeling of...mmmmmmmm, chocolate. 

No, i don't miss it at all.

Oh holy hell on a kaiser roll, how am i going to do this?  

Life Unfolding

Yesterday i mentioned how much i love my friends (or if i wasn't specific: i love them dearly and hugely).  I love watching their lives unfold.  I love sharing their happiness and their sadness and keeping their secrets and laughing and crying with them.

There's been a lot of life unfolding lately.  Big changes are happening for a lot of my loved ones.  And i just want them all to know this:  you are amazing and i'm so lucky and glad to know you.  You will do great, and life will continue to blossom and bloom in unexpected and affirming ways.  Thanks for letting me be a part of it!

{ this concludes my hippie moment of the day }

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

My Friends

Man, i have some amazing and wonderful friends.  I really do.  Some of them live far away, some of them i haven't met in person yet, and some of them i see regularly.  I love them all.  In a couple weeks, i'm going to see several of my photographer friends and an old Air Force buddy i haven't seen in 21 years.  Todd and the kids finally get to meet 5 friends who appear in my stories almost daily.  I'm so excited!

Viva Las Vegas!