Monday, January 5, 2009

The Ongoing Saga With Mommy Dearest

So remember how, when she received my birthday and Christmas gifts in the mail, opened them, and told me she was, "Mighty disappointed," among other unpleasantries? And how I cried like a ridiculous baby for 2 days while trying to pull the dagger out of my heart?

I called her this morning just to chat. Why? I have no idea. I still cling to the outrageously ridiculous hope that she will one day wake up and be a good, loving mother.

So she informs me that she's going to send the candy back that I had sent with the other gifts. I say fine. She tells me my brother told her that would be rude. I let out a clipped laugh.

Then it just comes out in a stream of tears and pain. I tell her how her reaction to our gifts was beyond rude, it was hurtful. I schooled her on the proper etiquette for graciously accepting a heartfelt gift, even if you were "mighty disappointed" by it. All the while, I'm choking back tears.

Her reaction?

She hung up on me.

And so here I sit, once again a wounded little child, swearing I will NEVER,

NOT EVER

call her again.

But of course I will, because I see all the other mothers in the world, who are not perfect, but who TRY and who love their kids and I wanna be one of those kids. I'll get my hopes up. I'll call. She will destroy me. I will let her.

It's a vicious cycle. I just want off this ride.


GelaSkins Inc.

5 holla'd back:

Crazymamaof6 said...

holy crap! she sucks!

way to go telling her how you really felt. and not just brushing it off and letting her believe it didn't bug you!

you deserve better. i'm sorry.
hugs!
i'm proud of you for standing up for yourself. even if you cried. i'd cry too.

fyi my word verification for this comment was whitchl - a little close to WITCH!

Tiff Moser said...

I am so sorry Sandi. At least you were able to get your hurt feelings off your chest, whether she "gets it" or not. You are worthy of a mothers' love. You will have it someday I promise.

Anonymous said...

I don't know just HOW awful your mother is. Maybe not as bad as she sounds in the two posts I've read about her. Maybe it's not always this bad. But, I cut a parent out of my life once. The relationship was too painful and toxic and every contact I had with him left me crying uncontrollably for 2-3 days. I miss having a father and I feel like half a person a lot of the time. But, I felt like that before anyway, and ultimately, I really believe I am healthier and happier and just plain better able to function having cut off contact. You might be better off (and your family might be better off) without contact, or with only limited contact, with your mother. You could give it a trial run. That's how I looked at it. So far, the trial is better than the previous situation so it sticks. Good luck to you. I know how awful it feels to have an unloving and selfish parent.

Anonymous said...

I think that she is just miserable and she wants YOU to be MISERABLE too! You are a great person and mother and it probably pisses her off that you are doing so good and have accomplished so much!

Don't let her steal your joy! Then she wins! Don't let her... when she acts like like she does, laugh at her... and feel sorry for her! You are the best thing that has ever happened to her and someday she will realize it!

You should be proud of what yourself and what you have accomplished!!!! You have come along way from the State Streets!!!!!

You should let me deliver the next present! I guarentee that you will get a THANK YOU letter!

Shake it off... SMILE.. know that you have wonderful kids and a loving husband... what more could anyone ask for!

You take care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your a good person and deserve a better Mom!! Not your fault she is such a hateful person! Some people can't help it!

Ashlie

The Man - Marty James said...

Let her go, Sandi..you're not part of that world anymore and if she has not grown up at her age, she will NEVER change and that is not your fault.
You need to watch the movie Million Dollar Baby-it touches on this subject briefly, but it drives the point home big time.
We all have had these people in our lives at one time or another, whether they be exes, friends, family members, etc..they turn out to be bills, they turn out to be stressful, they turn out to be never ending drama....Jerry Springer called and that is what that life is all about: you're not part of that world anymore, don't go back and let it go. If she has the balls to contact you and act civilized, then that is the point where you give her an ear...just make sure those 2000 miles stay between you at all times. If you do need to lay your heart out to her, write her a letter, that way she cannot respond so harshly like she can over the phone and you won't feel bad about it...

Your family loves you now: your kids, your husband, and your friends-we are the ones who care about you so don't worry about the haters that don't care.

Luv ya',

The Man

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