Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Too Funny Not to Share

A friend forwarded this email to me and some of these made me LOL.  I've enlargeated my faves.  Enjoy!

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are runover by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that,when you die, your Soul flies up on the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.



The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take anywordfrom the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:



1. Bozone (n): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n): The act of buying a house, which renders thesubjectfinancially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are runninglate.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit).

9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.



And the pick of the literature:



16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole!

3 holla'd back:

Flat Stomach Fast said...

I object to your abdication! :)

http://howtogetaflatstomachfast.info

Pat Myers said...

I'm glad you got a kick out of those two lists of words. Actually most of them are from two Style Invitational contests from 1998, not "this year" (but not all: For example, "decafalon" isn't a one-letter change from "decathlon," is it? Or "caterpallor"?).

If you like these, it's much better to see the the current Invitational -- every week at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. We've had more than 600 contests since the ones above! The Style Invitational is published every Saturday in The Post's Style (features) section, and every Friday afternoon at about 3:30 Eastern time. There are neologism contests regularly, but also lots of other sources of humor as well.

For example, here are the top winners of our May 7 neologism contest for single-word spoonerisms -- where the first letters of different syllables were switched:

Inpocchio: Imprisonment for lying. (Ann Martin, Bracknell, England)

Thirber: Someone who makes up a story about the secret life of another person. (Kathy Hardis Fraeman, Olney, Md.)

Karping: "You'll never fit in that space, Harold. You're too close to the curb, Harold!" (Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.)
Scorohope: Believing you'll get lucky because of your sign. (Chris Lopez, Reston, Va.)

In another contest, every word had to include a block of three consecutive letters of the alphabet — backward.

Flingpong: Having your own affair to get even with a cheating spouse. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

Burpon: Carbonated whiskey. (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)


Zyxzag: Path created during a DWI test when the cop makes you walk 20 steps while reciting the alphabet in reverse. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)



See the rest of the winners and learn how to enter the current contest at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. Or you can become a fan of "Washington Post Style" on Facebook (go to facebook.com/wapostyle ) and you'll get a link to the Invitational when it's posted. I hope you become a regular reader and maybe even a regular entrant.



Best,

The Empress of The Style Invitational

The Washington Post

sandi miller mmphotography said...

Thank you, Empress! I will definitely check that out!

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