crapstain: I Am Not a Fighter

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

I Am Not a Fighter

For some reason, people think I'm tough. Maybe because I've lived through so much...growing up in a violent family, my father's suicide, "assault" at age 13, my absent mother throughout my teens, bad relationships, the list goes on.

But losing my home is beating me. I can't seem to find the strength to get through it. Others have born it and moved on. I can't seem to shake the depression, even with the help of pharmaceuticals. Every little detail draws me down: the snail vine growing up the patio column. It will die when we leave. We can't really take it with us; what's the point in planting on rental property?

I'm sinking in stress. Already I'm worried about how many push-pin holes Allie will put in the walls of her rented bedroom, despite my asking her not to.

I will miss my fluffy brown carpet in our bedroom.

Weird little thoughts like that, all day long.

All day long.

1 holla'd back:

Unknown said...: I'm so worried about you. Please tell me if there is something I can do??? Want to do lunch on me???? Anything to get you out of the house and thinking about other things. Let me know. I can only imagine what it would be like to be going through what you are enduring. I know other people have done it, and I am sure it was difficult for them as well. I believe you are very strong.; Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Quotableness

"This above all: to thine own self be true." -Wm. Shakespeare

"Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away." --unknown

"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WHOO HOO what a ride!'" - unknown

"Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it." --Martin Luther King, Jr.

The Enneagram

Type Seven in Brief

all info from http://enneagraminstitute.com

Sevens are extroverted, optimistic, versatile, and spontaneous. Playful, high-spirited, and practical, they can also misapply their many talents, becoming over- extended, scattered, and undisciplined. They constantly seek new and exciting experiences, but can become distracted and exhausted by staying on the go. They typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness. At their Best: they focus their talents on worthwhile goals, becoming appreciative, joyous, and satisfied.

We have named this personality type The Enthusiast because Sevens are enthusiastic about almost everything that catches their attention. They approach life with curiosity, optimism, and a sense of adventure, like “kids in a candy store” who look at the world in wide-eyed, rapt anticipation of all the good things they are about to experience. They are bold and vivacious, pursuing what they want in life with a cheerful determination. They have a quality best described by the Yiddish word “chutzpah”—a kind of brash “nerviness.”

Although Sevens are in the Thinking Center, this is not immediately apparent because they tend to be extremely practical and engaged in a multitude of projects at any given time. Their thinking is anticipatory: they foresee events and generate ideas “on the fly,” favoring activities that stimulate their minds—which in turn generate more things to do and think about. Sevens are not necessarily intellectual or studious by any standard definition, although they are often intelligent and can be widely read and highly verbal. Their minds move rapidly from one idea to the next, making Sevens gifted at brainstorming and synthesizing information. Sevens are exhilarated by the rush of ideas and by the pleasure of being spontaneous, preferring broad overviews and the excitement of the initial stages of the creative process to probing a single topic in depth.

Sevens are frequently endowed with quick, agile minds, and can be exceptionally fast learners. This is true both of their ability to absorb information (language, facts, and procedures) and their ability to learn new manual skills—they tend to have excellent mind-body coordination, and manual dexterity (typewriting, piano playing, tennis). All of this can combine to make a Seven into the quintessential "Renaissance person."

Ironically, Sevens' wide-ranging curiosity and ability to learn quickly can also create problems for them. Because they are able to pick up many different skills with relative ease, it becomes more difficult for them to decide what to do with themselves. As a result, they also do not always value their abilities as they would if they had to struggle to gain them. When Sevens are more balanced however, their versatility, curiosity, and ability to learn can lead them to extraordinary achievement.

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Tuesday, August 4, 2009

I Am Not a Fighter

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