Name that

.
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day To the last syllable of recorded time, And all our yesterdays have lighted fools The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,... a poor player That struts and frets his hour upon the stage And then is heard no more: it is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing.

across the universe

Waiting For This Moment to Arise (Blackbird)

Nightmare Removed

I have removed this post since my nightmares are offensive to some. Have a nice day!

12:53 a.m.

I knew it was coming. Why it happened last night at 12:53, I have no idea. Maybe because everyone was asleep and I didn't want them to have to see it. Or, maybe it's because on Sunday afternoon we found the Notice of Trustee's Sale on our door. October 21 is our offical auction date.

I finally had my little breakdown over losing our house. It's been simmering and finally came to a full boil. I have to admit, I feel a lot better (thank you for the encouragement, Ms. McQuay).

Now maybe I'll be able to swallow food and water without choking. I've lost 4 pounds. Stress is a fantastic diet.

Let the packing begin! Onward and upward and all that crap.

Oh, Farts!

That's what my mom says when she does something stupid. I'm borrowing it from her today, since the phrase came to mind when I realized just this very minute that I have photog club tomorrow at my house and I haven't started cleaning and the carpets need shampooing. I guess I'll be dragging the steam cleaner around today. Oh joyfulness. It's just what I was hoping to do on a fine Friday morning.

So, it's 9/11. Last year I posted my memories from that awful day--the "where were you thing," so this year I'm not going to do that. I just want to take a moment to remember the sense of pride in our country and the feeling of unity that evolved after that day in 2001. I remember caring about every single person, individually, in our nation. I remember hurting for the families who had lost loved ones in the attacks. I remember feeling intense admiration for the people on board flight 93 who attacked the terrorists on board. Those passengers are my heros.

Last night at Costco, a young man was walking around proudly in his Air Force ROTC uniform. I high-5'ed him. It did my heart good to see a young person show pride in our military. I'm very grateful for all those serving today.

The Truth About Barak Obama

I know I've told you guys you HAVE to read Marinka's blog, Motherhood in NYC. Just check out her post on the Pres. Totally freaking hilarious!

http://www.motherhoodinnyc.com/2009/09/happy-first-day-of-school-children.html

President Obama's Speech to School Children (and other things)

Oooooh, what a hot topic! Since last week, I've heard some parents weren't going to let their kids go to school today because they didin't want them to hear President Obama's speech. I've heard that he was going to use his speech to promote socialism, get kids to take the census, and other things.

I told my kids to go, listen closely, and report back. I wanted to know what he had to say to the children of this country in these turbulent times.

Then I heard the speech would be posted online. I read the speech (you can read it here) this morning. Here are my thoughts.

First, I thought the speech was well written and completely appropriate. He said things that I have said to my own kids myself: hard work is just that--hard! but it's worth it. Education is vital. Don't let failure hold you back. Keep trying! I'm grateful for that message from the leader of our country. What's sad is that it needs to be said at all. Our country is in desperate shape. I see many kids around me who do feel discouraged by the economy and lack of jobs, who sit in front of video games all day long and never pick up a book. I worry about them and their futures.

What I find interesting is the reaction people have had to Mr. Obama's speech (before even reading it). I'm not a fan of President Obama. I didn't vote for him, didn't agree with his national security ideas, or many of his other policies. What does this reaction to his speech from a large part of the public say? That there's a general mistrust of our President? Seemingly so.

I stood outside and listened as my elderly neighbor, with tears in her eyes, expressed her fear of socilized medicine. Her husband, a cancer survivor, isn't doing so well at the moment and she fears losing their private insurance, then being cast aside by socialist health care and left to die. There is a lot of fear in this country right now. I don't like it.

The Next Edward Cullen?

I shot Chaz's senior pics yesterday (if you want to see more, go to http://millermillerphotography.blogspot.com/ ). I love making pics of people because I see them differently through the lens and also during the editing process. In Chaz, I saw Edward Cullen (not to downplay Robert Pattinson; I think he's a great Edward). Don't you think?

And just for fun, here's a little video clip of some of his other pics. (low res versin for storage purposes).

image copyright miller&miller photography

My Sister

I don't have a biological sister. I should have, but she died during delivery in an ambulance on the way to the hospital in 1965. Her name would've been Jennifer. I have visited her grave, seen the child-sized headstone. I've wondered what she would've looked like and whether we'd have been close. All my life I've longed for her. I see other sisters...sharing secrets, hopes, fears, recipes, trials, fun, adventures. And I realize that I do have sisters. I have found them along the way. We have shared secrets, hopes, fears, recipes, trials, fun and adventures. And they hold me up now. We may not have been born of the same blood, but our bond is undeniable. To my sisters, old and new: I love you all. You make my heart complete.

The Daily Struggle to Swallow

I forgot to mention this, but in addition to my back/neck/head pain, I am also having the worst time swallowing. Even something as simple as water has me choking. It's like my swallowing mechanism is somehow broken. When I swallow (food or liquid), it either goes up toward my sinuses or down my windpipe. It's freaking me out.

So I looked up the symptoms and found either MS or anxiety. We already know it's anxiety, right? But don't worry, if this group of symptoms keeps up after the storm has passed, I will delay seeing a doctor as long as I can and finally give in. But I think all the symptoms will pass after we move and I get the nervous breakdown over with, don't you?

UPDATE: I just looked at my throat in the mirror (finally, right?) and can see this lump back there. It's about the size of a pea--no wonder I can't swallow properly! Anyone know what that might be?

A Storm's a Brewin'

Warning: If I had a pressure gauge, it would be almost to the red. This blog could be a very unpleasant place in very near future. There are dark things boiling up inside. I will try to give warning for those of you who don't want to be caught in the hurricane.

Pain

So I've been having some insane headaches the past couple months. It starts with constriction in my spine. Soon the pain travels up into my head where it sometimes burns like a Michael Jackson Pepsi commercial gone horribly wrong, and other times it alternates between intense but dull pain and throbbing travelling pain. It's often blinding and sometimes makes me nauseated.

I woke at 3:30 yesterday morning because I could no longer sleep through the pain. I could barely think, it hurt so intensely. My kind and dear husband drove me to Dr. Mike (a trip to Dr. Mike usually fixes me right up in one session). I left feeling better, but not completely put back together. The pain continued throughout the day, cycling from mild to moderate.

So as I lay in bed last night, I started having anxiety attacks. They centered around someone else living in my house. I just can't seem to let go. This is my house. This is our home. And the thought of someone else living in it hurts my heart. And apparently my head.