There Might Be a Whip Scorpion in Your House If....

• You keep thinking you see something moving out of the corner of your eye and jump up on furniture in reaction
• You fear walking on whip-scorpion-colored carpet
• You stand back four feet from the washer and dryer, stretching and leaning to get the clothes in and out, just in case there's a whip scorpion hiding under there
• When entering a room, you pause to scan the floor for whip scorpions
• When sitting on the toilet, you keep your feet elevated off the floor in case a whip scorpion runs out and you're stuck there on the toilet, defenseless
• You see an actual whip scorpion run behind your dryer

Dear Whip Scorpion That Ran Under My Dryer:

I know it's ugly outside, but please find your way back out there.  I'm sure there are far more interesting things to eat out there, anyway.  It's your natural habitat.  Yes, I know you got screwed in that regard, but still.  Inside this house is my domain, and I must put my foot down.  If that foot comes down on you, I will crap my pants.  I have no intention of harming you { mostly out of fear } and hope that we can come to a peaceful agreement here. 

Sincerely,

s